The Story of the little Christmas Tree

My mother still has her Christmas tree up. She's got a project this year to write down all the stories associated with all the lovely ornaments she's collected and displayed over the years. I'm going to help.

Here's the story of the little felt Christmas tree that hangs on her tree every year, usually in the back, because I made it when I was six. The tree itself is green felt, with a bit of stuffing between the two sides, with a silver corded ribbon and some shiny sequins shaped like candles, stars and moons glued on with Elmer's glue.

The day I made the little felt tree I was in kindergarten. Some time before the craft happened I was pulled away from the group, probably to take some medicine. I tended to be a sickly child and was always taking some sort of medicine, usually some pink bubblegum flavored syrup. By the time I got back, all the big gold star sequins were taken to top the other children's trees. I gathered what I could, which looks like two gold moons, two red stars, two gold candles, and a tiny blue star, which topped my tree. I decorated the tree with the glue in paper dishes in the middle of the table (which is why there is glue on the front sides of the ornaments) and had the nice teacher stuff and glue it together. The teacher also wrote "To Mommy 1978" on the back of the tree.

Today when I was sitting in Mom's living room waiting for her to get ready for the play we were going to see, I looked at the little Christmas tree and started to cry. I took it down and turned it over in my hands and realized that the nice teacher, so many years ago, had spelled Mommie wrong, on top of everything else. I really was feeling sorry for myself. I had a very trying day at work, was told I was letting things get to me, that everyone felt the way I felt, that I shouldn't be as frustrated as I clearly felt, and not to make a scene as it wasn't good for the team. As I looked at this little ornament, I felt like my whole life had gone the same way as that long ago craft project. Everyone got to the table before me and got the good stuff, and I was left to make the best of what I got, which was pretty pathetic and sad. Every time I try, it seems I fall on my face, and everyone has something I want, but I am too afraid to go after it. Hell, I don't even know what my gold star would be at this point.

Since getting home from the play, I sat down to finish writing this post. I'm not saying that I had any epiphany and now realize that if I'm given lemons I should make lemonade, but I did think that I'm possibly the only child who still has their little ornament from kindergarten on the family Christmas tree. I'm just trying to decide if that's enough.

Good Day

I had a list of things to do today, and as I was writing them down I thought that it might be too many things. Sometimes I get carried away and write lists and lists of things I want to accomplish that would take an entire week, and I want them done in a day or a weekend. Not so with this list. except for the cleaning (one specific cleaning thing) I did everything on the list. Huzzah!

Silly, I know, but it made me happy in many ways to get a pen and cross the things I'd finished off my list. Maybe I'll make another one tomorrow.

(And as a post scriptum of sorts, I posted two days in a row...)

Writing

I feel that for too long I've been too busy to write. I'm not talking about the wonderful and crazy time in November, but just every day, every week kind of writing. I don't think I'm ever going to be an every day blogger; I just don't see having that much interesting to say, let alone having the time every day. I have a daily journal that I manage to find the time to write five lines about my days, and most days that's more than enough to write. I know people who do write daily, who make the time every single day for one if not more entries on their blogs. These people inspire me; their dedication and devotion to their writing, no matter the subject, is amazing.

I've recently been told that I should blog more. My jaunts through blogland show that it is possible. I know that a few people consistently read my blog. I find that I want to be entertaining, and I'm not sure if I achieve that. (No, I'm not looking for validation here; I have a fairly good view of my own writing - I just am thinking on the screen here.) I suppose not every day is a circus.

More than the blog, which can be a good source of discipline and feedback, I'm thinking of my other writing, what I write for the various groups I engage in and what I write that inspires me. Weekly, I sit with mostly like-minded writers and lately I tend to use the time as social and kick back time. I should be using it more for the actual process but I think I've needed a place to blow off steam and to have no requirements. Which is probably why I haven't finished any of the assignments given.

I think some blame belongs with my day job (which incidentally I just mistyped day joy) and the extremely hectic and stressful last two months. I got so run down that I got sick (just a little head cold but more than enough to slow me down a lot and make me feel woozy and unproductive). I'm working to get through the next month on a more even keel and just do my hours and leave; no over time, no late nights, no taking work home. I am working personally on letting all the junk the last two or three months go; getting past the anger, jealousy, resentment, frustration, and under-appreciation is important for my own mental and emotional, not to mention physical, health. As I work through that junk, I expect I'll become more productive in my professional life as well as more productive in my personal life. Free of all the negativity, I will be able to shake off this seeming cloud over my writing and get down to it.

I want this year to be a very productive year. I expect to have a large body of work, whether it be short stories, exercises, poems, or a novel or two, by December. I want to page back through the files, touch the pages, and generally tap the reservoir of ideas and stories I know I have in me to tell.

Lone Wolf

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Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone! I don't really have any resolutions as such, so I won't share what I don't have. But I do want to make this year better than last year. I will strive to have my attitude to be a more loving and accepting one, both of others and of myself. I suppose that is a resolution, but don't tell anyone. I just want a better year ahead, to use my gifts to the best of my ability.

May you all have a blessed and peaceful New Year.