One minute you’re waiting for the sky to fall
The next you're dazzled by the beauty of it all

Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight
Got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight

- Lovers in a Dangerous Time - Barenaked Ladies

Hope and perspective

For all the world, the stars aligned and everything fit perfectly.

Perfection isn't possible, not for me, though I continually strive for it. I know that in my mind, but my heart often feels different and that if just I could reach that perfection I would be happy.

It's not about being happy, it's not about having everything fit, but it is about my heart. I want to say it is fresh and unblemished, but like everyone, I've been hurt, I've opened myself and been turned aside. I've not said things I should say, things I feel and things I mean, deeply in my heart.

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break
- Billy Joel "And So It Goes"

My regrets are few, but all have to do with what I have not done, not what I chose to do.

My deepest hope is to share my love with someone who loves me back. He does love me. Where this ends is anyone's guess, but I have hope.

When in joy, energy swirls
chaotic and divine
to capture fleeting moments
of ecstasy, contentment
more agonizing
than spilling blood as ink
when in despair

Change in the weather

So it's rained last night, and my furnace came on for the first time in the new house. I'm wrapped up on one of my blankets and am thinking strongly of crawling back into bed under my warm down comforter.

I got the crocheting bug last night and started a new project with a new stitch. So far it's turning out very nice.

Listening to my newest mix and it's making me smile. Buddy Holly, Alanis, Dixie Chicks, and many others making a special space in my environment.

Kittens are tussling, too early for that...