Lyrics in my head

You've always been
Time and again
The one to take my hand
And show to me it's okay to be
Just the way I am
With no apology

Garth Brooks - A Friend to Me

Liquid Luminosity

Driving home tonight I was under a spell. I could barely keep my eyes on the road. An early summer thunderstorm and the setting sun painted the sky with a marvel of nature and physics, a stunning rainbow lit the stormy sky my entire drive home. At first I only saw a part of the rainbow, an arching swath of color and light spilling on the ground from the dark clouds. The colors glowed so clearly, like liquid light pouring from the sky. I could see the vivid bands of color spilling onto the ground and buildings behind it.

The other edge of the rainbow looked like a pastel drawing on dark grey paper, smeared smoothly with a celestial finger to blend the colors and light into a band of soft beauty. After a few moments the light came together and I could see the semi-circle from end to end. I thought of my great-uncle who told me a story of how he had stood on the side of one mountain and saw a three-quarter rainbow arching into the sky and dipping into the valley below him. I always wondered if there were a perfect spot to see a circular rainbow, from end to not end banded in bright liquid luminosity.

And above the main rainbow, the second rainbow shimmered at the edge of my sight, like an object in the darkness that you can't see straight on, but have to watch through your side vision. I couldn't be sure, but it seemed to me instead of being roygbiv it was vibgyor, a dim and fragile reflection of the main rainbow. Everytime I tried to look straight at it, the second one became blurry and smeary until I blinked and looked away.

The entire three-quarters of an hour I spent driving home became a study of the rainbow set as it seemed so close then moved back and back to finally become a faded rememberance of the shining glory it was, then to finally fade as the light left the sky and the rain cleared.

Happy Summer

Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it? I always watch for the longest day in the year and then miss it.

- Daisy Buchanan The Great Gatsby

Good Day

I spent most of yesterday either with my mom or at her house. She had a salon appointment at noon, so I toodled myself and my shiny little laptop down to her house to hang out with the dog and to get some work done. More hanging out with Charlie happened than actual work (I still need to write out my bills, and finish the writing I had started).

All around, except for some extreme heat and some heated words, we all had a lovely day. Charlie was perky and alert, she sat in the grass in the sun for about 10 minutes, watching the world go by (not much exciting) and having the wind blow her clean white fur. Mom gave her a bath that morning so she was all shiny clean and smelling like shampoo. I brought her back up to the porch in the shade and got her some water with ice cubes in it (she likes that) and she drank some. She sat on the towel next to me while I surfed the web (I love wireless, oh, so much) and started work on my project. After a while I grabbed a slice of turkey and Charlie ate it all up, fairly daintily, but with vigor. And I brought her a pillow to sit on which she did until Mom came home.

Out in the hot hot sun (I should have parked in the garage while mom was out) we unloaded the stuff in my trunk and figured out how to put down my back seat. I'm not so great in the sun, and it was really hot (around 4pm) so I decided we were going to 7-11 and I got myself a Slurpee and an iTunes code. Much better with liquidy ice to slurp on. The trip revolved around getting some lovely bookcases that were on sale at OfficeMax. The nice manager guy helped us get the 4 bookcases and one major DVD stand (all assembly required) into the trunk, and complemented us on being prepared and not making him try to figure it out.

We ran the bookcases back to mom's garage, stacked them up nicely for her (she's got a project of vast proportions moving and organizing stuff in her computer room where the bookcases are going to live) and I went and got another Slurpee. Mmm icy cold. Thinking of getting one right now... Anyway, once we got back we relaxed a bit then decided to fill our bellies. We ran out after to Costco to look at a shiny white electronic device which shall remain nameless but they were closed.

We got back, Jeff next door was watering the plants, Charlie was enjoying the evening sun, and Mom and I started making a little stepping stone from a package I got. We mixed up the cement, poured it (well dumped it) into the little mold, and pressed Charlie's front paws into the middle. And washed everyone off. I'll post a picture when I see it next, it was dark last night when we were done (and half eaten alive by mosquitoes) so no piccy. While it was drying, and to finish off our day, we watched Hotel Rwanda, which was very good.

So all in all, good day. Oh and Mom's visit to the salon was lovely, she was all nail painted and hair coiffed and lovely herself.

Update

Charlie is home with Mom. She took her home on Monday, after a long weekend in the hospital. Monday night she ate some turkey and drank lots of water, and while visiting a neighbor stood up with the help of a sling (her front right leg was hurt from the IV and her back end hasn't worked well for a while) and while standing tried to chase a cat (slowly, but with vigor and much tail wagging).

So the vet said give her time, see if she adjusts to being home. She's been standing on her own as the wound on her leg heals, and last night she even had a bm (I sounded like the proud mother of a toddler getting toilet trained with all the encouragement). She even is walking around a little - after we'd been on the porch for a while, she walked over to the screen door and patiently waited for me to open it for her. Once inside she found a nice spot and laid down, pretty as you please under her own power.

I can see her spirit in her eyes, she's still very much Charlie although her body has slowed down considerably. She is not asking for much, and generally accepting what is given, when she used to be quite demanding. Her time is coming, but it isn't right now. No matter when, I am blessed to love and be loved by her gentle little soul.

More on Charlie

So Charlie went into the hospital on Wednesday, after being very lethargic on Tuesday night when I visited. Her bloodwork was not good, and she didn't seem to be getting any better. Friday night I came down after work to visit her at the vet's, and nothing looked promising. I left Mom's house after we watched The Aviator (pretty good flick, if LONG) and promised I'd come down in the morning to see how she was.

This morning we hoped for good news, but weren't really expecting it. We took Charlie out (with her IV unhooked and the tubing attached to her little leg) and she did a little duty (which was encouraging, as it is her kidneys they're worried about) and we sat in the sun and she slept in our arms. All the dogs getting walked that morning were interested in her, but the techs kept them at a distance. One really cute set of Boston Terriers (one black, one brindle) were quite interested and barked at her, or at us. After a bit it got pretty hot in the sun so we retired back inside.

We didn't have an appointment, but the staff was great and let us wander around with Charlie. We got her some water, which she was excited to drink, but she barely licked the food. Dr. James came in with her thick chart and showed us the results from this mornings' bloodwork. Three of the high numbers had come back down toward the normal range, one dropped 60 points from yesterday to within 12 of normal (I'm not a medical person, so I don't know what exactly that meant, but that it was good.) Dr. James was encouraged, and said if she'd eat, he'd send her home. He also said that at this stage, the kidney failure was controllable, but probably not repairable. But it was up to her, and he put B vitamins and some medicine to calm her stomach and encourage her appetite. Her stomach was probably upset from the way her body was acting.

So now we wait overnight again, and he'll call in the morning with an update. The office is closed Sundays so we can't visit, but he lives close and checks on his patients that are staying over the weekend in the morning and evening. He's a very good man, and has known Charlie since he bought the practice 16 years ago.

I know in my heart that it's not a great solution, and that she is getting older, as we all are. She's not in any pain, and I know she would like to be home again, to the only home she has ever known. Our mood is lighter, this afternoon. Our little fighter is still fighting, and as long as she's willing, we're happy to have her with us.

Charlie Lass

Birthday Pup,
originally uploaded by Arcadiajoy.

I didn't post this picture when her birthday happened back in February. Looking back, I find that a bit odd (especially with all the pictures we took of her that day).

At any rate, my baby girl isn't doing so well today and I wanted to get some positive energy going for her so I thought I'd share her here.

She’s been a part of my family for over 17 years, and except for one small issue with Mom’s favorite leather boots, she has been a wonderful, sweet, and loving dog. To my mom, she’s my sister, and we both love her very much. Even tho she lives with Mom, she’s still my dog, and I have pictures of her at work and at home.

I’m having a hard time with the eminent possibility of her passing. One of her most endearing qualities is in her doggy love; she loves us unconditionally. No matter what we say or do, we are her people, her family. And if we’re really good, she’ll give us puppy kisses.

I know this has been kinda disjointed; it’s hard to consider losing a member of the family.

Please keep her in your thoughts this week, if you would.

Texas Star

Texas Star,
originally uploaded by Arcadiajoy.

I decided to get a pendant while I was in Texas and I looked and I looked but I didn't see one while we were out and about. Here is the pendant I found at the airport just before getting on the plane. I really like it. The stones are amber, different colors.

Dallas TX

I just got back to Colorado after a week training on our new platform's accounting system. While I was there, I saw my best friend from high school and college, who I haven't seen in over 2 years since she moved to Texas. Instead of boring and long evenings at the hotel, I was treated to her charming company and whisked away from the mundane every evening.

My favorite evening was Wednesday night we saw Star Wars Episode III. We sat in the air-conditioned silence of a mostly empty theatre as the epic drew itself to a close and whispered back and forth about plot and our thoughts. Afterwards, we even talked about it over dinner at Firewater, a bar and grill close by. While we were eating possibly the worst meal ever (definitely the worst on the trip) some music came on over in the bar area. We finished what we could of the meal (and sent back the bad, colored vodka disguised as a Cosmo) and went to check out the music and discovered it was a live band playing.

Outside there was a large porch area with a bar and a bandstand. Bad Karma, a four (sometimes five) man band from Ft Worth, was belting out covers to songs from the 80s to today that sounded as good as the originals, with great flair and gusto. We stayed to the end of the second of three sets and ended up on stage dancing and singing to Mustang Sally with the band. That was fun.

Afterward, during the set break, I asked the bassist if they had any cds - he said no, they mostly did covers, and I told him that they sounded really good, just like the originals they were emulating. (besides Mustang Sally, my favorite was The Georgia Satalites Keep Your Hands to Yourself). He got us cards and said to check out the website (which we were already planning on doing). Before we left, he came back and said they were playing Friday night in Ft Worth. Which was a real bummer, seeing as my plane ticket was for Friday afternoon. Altia was all ready to follow them the next night, damn our current plans.

The next time I'm in Dallas, I'm definitely checking out Bad Karma's schedule... it was a lot of fun (and did I mention that the lead singer was hot? Altia said that she thought that he would be more Girlzoot's type... he reminded me vaguely of BNL's Steven Page.) I think I'll forgo local offerings for a chain that night... just to be safe.

So the training was ok; I did learn some things. The company, however, was stellar. I had such a good time, getting back to the hotel progressively later (oooh, the last night was after midnight - ok after 1 am... hehe) The one thing I regret was we didn't get a picture together of us. I forgot my camera every night except the last and it just didn't work out... But I have lovely memories :) And a small Texas State flag blowing in the imaginary Texas wind.

Good-Bye House

View from Across Street,
originally uploaded by Arcadiajoy.

Last night friends of mine had a "Good-bye House" party to celebrate the house they lived in for over 25 years. This little bungalow in North Cherry Creek has been sold, sadly not for the beautiful house, but for the land beneath it. My friends are moving to a smaller house a few miles away.

The next door house (which was not nearly as cute as this one) has already been scraped and a hulking building stands where once was a yard both front and back and even on the side. Most of the block now has succumbed to the scrape and build epidemic that is raging through some of the most beautiful parts of the metro area.

A friend once told me how she hated to see the scrape-offs, and the resulting hulks squating where once a home lay sweetly on the lot, these houses built with speed and money. At the time, I thought the houses she pointed out looked nice, they were big and new.

But I changed my mind when my "Uncle" sold a house that was scraped to make way for a complex of townhouses, tall and shining, but lacking warmth and charm. I'm sure the people who live there feel that their home is lovely, but the little house where I stayed with a friend and consumated an illicit love affair will always be in my mind when I drive past that lot.

And after today, when we plan to go visit once more (everyone was tired when the last guest left so we didn't actually get to talk) I don't think I will ever drive down that street again. This house has been part of the landscape of my life for as long as I can remember. I celebrated my first Christmas in Colorado by the fireplace here, we fingerpainted in the living room and danced to records on the old victrolla. It started out as a cozy and dusky home of friends of my mom's and became partly my home, growing up with their son then daughter, watching the renovation expand and beautify the house, hearing Hummer work in the back yard deep into the twilight, playing pool and asking personal questions of my "little brother's" friends in the oubilliette. This is a place in my world that I will never be able to go back to, except in my mind's eye. I guess it's true you can never go home again.

Kitty Cave

Kitty Cave
Originally uploaded by Arcadiajoy.

Here's my cat, Alec. It was nice out yesterday but he decided to crawl under the down comforter and take a nap. Whenever I can't find him, this is one of the first places I look...

Runaway bride

The whole thing on the runaway bride from GA has got me thinking. She said, in a prepared statement, that she wasn't running from the wedding, but from herself and issues and fears that had become out of control for her.

Perhaps it's a personal perspective thing, but a 600 guest wedding with a 26 person wedding party is a big, huge thing. And it could be a scary thing, whether or not you are deeply in love with your fiancé and are committed to spending the rest of your life with them. But, it also can be a way of life, all milestones and events are celebrated with vast numbers of friends and family, and this was normal and expected. So possibly it wasn't scary. But the thought of letting down a single person or even a handful of people (fiancé and parents, friends, family) in whatever way could be a crippling fear.

The fiancé said that the first thing he did when she got home was place her engagement ring back on her finger. Now, I can see that perhaps she took off her ring to go jogging (she disappeared while jogging, remember) but the legacy of the engagement ring has always seemed to be to wear it until the wedding, and switch the band and the ring after and never never take it off again. I know that some people do, but I would rather wear the ring and know where it was at all times than take it off and possibly lose it or have it stolen. Regardless, what if the wedding was part or all of her reason for fleeing? Wouldn't putting the ring back on her hand signify a ball and chain, a terrible weight on her? When she first returned she had not, to my knowledge, spoken to a professional therapist about her problems, and I see the possibility that this would only add to her stress.

Of course the ring's return could have been comforting, but then why didn't she take it in the first place? If she was running from other things, but her commitment and dedication to her husband-to-be was so strong, wouldn't she have taken the ring as a reminder, even if she wore it on another hand or on a chain? But she took off so fast, you say? Bullshit, she purchased the ticket days in advance of leaving. She had plenty of time to get the ring if it meant that much to her.

And on the pressing charges / suing the runaway bride, I'm of two minds. First of all, she didn't know that she was being looked for on a national level. Have you ever ridden a bus from GA to Las Vegas? It takes nearly 48 hours. How much news do you think she saw on the way? Also, people disappear all the time, and some of them are looking for a new life, they disappear themselves. Perhaps in her state of stress and fear, she didn't think it would be a big deal. She was wrong; it became a huge deal, but she shouldn't have to pay for it. She was not the one who set off the national media, her family and fiancé did that. Not every missing person gets national attention, but then again, not every bride has 14 bridesmaids either. Does this mean the wealthy are more important and get national coverage? Gee, I never thought of it that way. Perhaps she should pay for it, after all, she has the money... Or was the sheriff's office duped into looking for someone who didn't want to be found?

On the criminal charges, I think she should be charged for false reporting of a crime. I'm pretty sure that's a felony. She was trying to make herself look a victim instead of a runaway when she said that she had been kidnapped and sexually assaulted. Again, she probably wasn't thinking straight (as the whole situation leads us to believe) but from my perspective, she still knew right from wrong when she lied to the authorities in NM. And when people lie about crimes like kidnapping and sexual assault, it makes it more difficult for the true victims to be believed and heard.

The most important thing to come out of this situation is that the bride-to-be gets some help. From a brief interview I saw on the Today Show this week, her fiancé stated that she was seeking help and had been talking to someone. In no way do I trivialize her fear or whatever issues led her to flee the arms of her family and soon to be husband, and I sincerely hope that she can get the help she needs to resolve the issues that took over her life in such a dramatic and farflung fashion.

I admit I don't watch the news much, and I haven't taken to reading the newspaper or news-feeds online. Most of my news is from the radio and a brief buzz on the TV in the morning. I imagine while this situation, which took up quite a bit of my news time these past weeks, several more people were killed in Iraq; I know that the Number 3 man in Al Qaida was captured, and that somewhere children are starving. I'm not terribly informed about these things, but this story and the Teri Schaivo story are the two most recent and all-consuming by the media. Is it because they are domestic stories? Human interest? Both were terribly personal stories, things I did not need to be privy to as a complete stranger far from either of their homes or lives. But I know, and even I know a lot. I'm sure that says something, but I just can't put my finger on what...

Busy Busy

Haven't been updating as much as I should due to training at work. I'm on a project team working toward implementation of a new ERP software package for my new company (we combined forces with two other CPG companies and are going to market as one entity). While this is VERY exciting and I'm thrilled to be part of the project, I'm pretty worn out. I've learned more about my company and the way things work on a macro level this week then in the last 2 years. Of course I had my nose in my numbers and worked in my little corner of the company most of the time anyway.

So now I'm hoping to get some balance and to post here a bit more regularly (well as regular as I ever am...)

He Likes the Spankin's

Mix it into conversation; it makes every chat more lively, trust me.

I found out tonight that a friend's beloved cat passed away this weekend. I'm so sorry he's gone; he was truly a friend and my heart is heavy tonight at his loss. He was a fine animal, a good friend, and a loving member of the family. My thoughts are with his family in their loss.

Fat Boy was always up for a petting, or more specifically a spanking. He would fall off the couch in an effort to get closer for some more lovin's. And then look up at you and expect love on the floor now. Over here, and scratch behind the ear, and then some more spankin's.

He was such a sweet cat, except to his sister, Midget, who he regularly chased, bit and sat upon with his large bulk. And later, sometimes moments later, you would find them curled up together licking each other and sleeping in a big furry white, black, and grey pile. Because that's what brothers and sisters are for, torture with a grooming chaser followed by a nap.

I can remember when he first came home, after flying half way across the country to live in his new home. At first that consisted of one room, mostly under the bed in that room, for upwards of two or three weeks. He was a small ghost of a cat, moving so fast you could hardly see him. The Boy and the kitten-who-would-be-Fat-Boy met each other and grew to love one another. Fat Boy would often be found sleeping with The Boy, if he wasn't laying on his mom's legs so she couldn't move in the middle of the night.

The last time I spent time at my friend's house, I watched some Food Channel while Fat Boy curled up next to me and purred. I gave him some spankin's but only when Mom came home did he get the really good lovin's. He was so happy to get his lovin's, you could almost see him smile.

Good-bye, sweet Fate, you are already much missed.

How Normal Are You?

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

How Normal Are You?

What do you want to drink?

When out to eat, you invariably get asked what you want to drink. And more than anything right now I want to have a Coke, nice brown fizzy drink, filled with sugar and caffeine, two of my favorite things. Two things that I have given up to follow this new healthy plan.

So when the nice waitress asked what I wanted to drink, I said "I want a Coke, but I'll have a water, please."

So when she comes back, she brings me a water and a Coke and two straws. "Oh, I'm sorry, I can't have the Coke, I meant I wanted one but I really can't have one."

The waitress was cool with it, she said she'd drink it and then took it away.

Later, she comes back and says that she didn't mean to tease me, and perhaps I'd like a diet Coke.

"No, thank you, I can't have the caffeine. And I can't have a Sprite because it has the sugar... so the water will be fine, thanks."

All in all it was a pleasant experience, except the moment I wanted to leap across the table and pour the Coke, ice and all, down my throat all in one gulp. That was a bit startling, and even so, it was kinda funny.

So must be careful what I ask for, I just may get it...

Lyrics in my head

Surrounded by stories
Surreal and sublime
I fell in love in the library
Once upon a time

- Love in the Library
Jimmy Buffet

Morning Commute

This morning, as I do every morning, I turned off of the turnpike onto a state highway for the last leg of my commute. The parkway was a bit slow. I was running a bit late to work already and I knew this would just make me later. But what can I do? I continued along and then out of my rearview I saw this motorcycle zooming along in the right hand breakdown lane. Then another car saw him and decided to follow suit.

I have been in a few fender benders, had a couple speeding tickets (many years ago), and one careless driving ticket (long story about a U-turn and no turn signal). And as Girlzoot will tell you, I’ve run my share of red lights (they were PINK!)(well, except for that one on Leetsdale, it WAS red). In general, though, I take my safety and the safety of others around me seriously. Besides, I know that if I do something so flagrant, I’ll get caught, there’s no question.

Something else that has been bothering me: no one in their car is more important than me; we all have somewhere to be but that doesn’t mean you have to break the law or be a jerk. Besides, what would happen if there was an ACTUAL emergency and someone needed the lane, or everyone had to get over for an emergency vehicle? But that wouldn’t happen, not for just a moment while I’m driving over here in this completely empty lane… not to me… I’m so IMPORTANT…

So this morning I’m thinking that I would just get caught if I pulled anything that stupid. And as I pull around the final curve and make ready to pull into the right hand turn lane and what do I see but the little car, the motorcycle, and three or four other cars all pulled over to the side getting ticketed by two police officers. I felt such vindictive glee as I made my turn and went to work. Was I wrong to be happy at another’s misfortune? Well, they kind of brought it on themselves, now didn’t they?

And I’m still smiling.

"Save The Date"

I was going through my work emails today and I found a “Save The Date” request. I checked it out and realized it was for our Christmas party last December. (Ok, so this means I need to clean out my inbox more often, I know, I know) In years past we have had lavish parties at the Historic Boulder Theater, a stunningly beautiful venue. This past December was no exception, we had a lovely dinner along with magicians entertaining us with slight of hand and silver coins, and, of course, a live band.

During this evening of fun and frivolity (company-sponsored, of course) I spoke briefly with someone I had become close to in the past few years. Over the course of the last few seasons we had drifted apart and now, at the end of the year, I was facing a stranger that I once knew. It was awkward; I was both flattered to be sought out yet a bit stand-offish since we had not spoken since Halloween. By the end of our conversation, I was a bit confused and just wanted to go back to somewhere I can only visit in memories.

At the end of the evening (which came early as it was a Sunday and everyone had to be at the office the next morning) only the dancers and a few others were left out of the huge influx of people. And I got my set-list from the violist, and I left without looking back.

And today, I found that email, and realized, I haven’t heard from or spoken to my old friend since that night almost four months ago. And that makes me sad for what was, and I’ll probably be a bit melancholy today, but somehow it doesn’t bother me as much as it did last year this time. I suppose time does heal, and distance yields perspective. Yet on windswept days where the sky is clear and the mountains seem close enough to touch, I miss him.

Quote

If you press me to say why I loved him, I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.

-- Michel de Montaigne